Dear Traveler,
If you want to impress your friends, tell them that Budapest is actually two cities. As inevitable perplexity wrinkles their face, mention that it is also properly pronounced "Buddhapescht," thereby escalating their perplexity into full blown shock and awe. Your legitimacy is all but assured when you explain that the Danube river separates what the plebeian masses call "Budapest" into both Buda and Pest.
However, be advised. Should you sling these factoids around in the company of Europeans, you will sound merely like a pretentious tourist who took the time to read the introductory pages of his or her guidebook. So please, take heed and investigate the nationalities of those present before offering these insights. Your reputation will thank you.
Sincerely,
Budapest
Dear Traveler,
Please be advised, should you be arriving from a grand romantic city, garnished with monuments and gargoyle frosted buildings on every block, you may consider lowering your expectations of me. You see, any city when in direct juxtaposition to Vienna will seem drab and fatigued by comparison. Additionally, this effect has been exacerbated in recent months by the popular opinion that Wes Anderson derived his aesthetic and whimsy from my streets which is not the case.
When you step off of your train, I implore you to reserve your judgements until you have spent some time with me. I guarantee that you will not regret it.
Sincerely,
Budapest
Dear Traveler,
I understand you have rented two beds in a twelve bedroom dormitory. Does this mean that you like to party? I can only imagine it does, for who in their right mind would endure a 12 bed dorm sober? As my night life scene is certifiably top notch you shouldn't have any problems. If you have doubts, ask one of the girls down the hall, who, by her own declaration, is still drunk. I have faith that she will vouch for me.
Cheers!
Budapest
Dear Traveler,
I apologize. I did not realize that you aren't a party animal. In that case, I am pleased to hear that your 12 bed dormitory was only occupied by you and your companion. How fortunate! However, do not expect that to last.
All the best,
Budapest
Dear Traveler,
Did you enjoy my magnificent Parliament building? Yes, I think it is perfectly placed too. All those sharp, stalagmite steeples and domes cresting out of window dimpled ridges. Perfectly contrasted by the gentle Danube and roof scaled hills rising from the opposite bank. It is quite a pleasant walk, I think, along the river and under those great bridges? I do hope you enjoyed it.
Sincerely,
Budapest
Dear Traveler,
Ah, I hear you have discovered the magnificent quality and irrationally inexpensive prices of my restaurants. "M," the eatery you have found, is indeed superb. Were I not a city I would dine there myself. But yes, whole baked Hungarian trout accompanied by a savory pancake stuffed with roasted vegetables, joined by an oversized glass of white wine chosen by the server. Welcome to Budapest my friend!
Bon appetit,
Budapest
Dear Traveler,
I am astonished that, for the second night running, you still claim a 12 bedroom dormitory to yourself. Very unusual, but serendipitous. Unfortunately, tonight you will likely have company, so you had best lock up your belongings.
Best,
Budapest
Dear Traveler,
Oh dear! Yes I am sorry, my currency is a bit confusing for foreigners. How much was it you withdrew from your account?...100,000 Forints?! Jesus... Pardon me, but you are either shit at math or weren't paying attention. That's $400 buddy. Hope you didn't overdraw.
Best of luck,
Budapest
Dear Traveler,
My friend, you can pick your jaw up from the floor. Yes my breakfast establishments are of a similar caliber to your dinner experience, and just as cheap. And yes, apple pie is a perfectly acceptable meal to start one's day.
B
Dear Traveler,
How were you not aware of my miraculous baths? And I mean "miraculous" in the Biblical/magical sense, because you will undoubtedly feel touched by a higher power. Each of the some 30 odd pools you are free to enjoy spring directly from the bosom of Mother Earth and are heated and cooled by her restorative embrace. I know you are weary from months on the road, but the steam rooms, saunas, water jets, water falls, mineral baths, and whirlpools will breathe new life into you.
I personally recommend dipping in a hot bath or sitting in the sauna (70 degrees Celsius preferably), then into a frigid bath (18 or 20 degrees Celsius) and back and forth. The sensation is unparalleled I am told.
Enjoy!
B
Dear Traveler,
Really? You're eating at M again? Well, I suppose, who can argue with grilled sea bass with spinach and prawn ragu and a poppy seed parfait with cherry compote (aka, ice-cream cake)?
Bon appetit...again!
B
Dear Traveler,
You finally made your way to Buda! Isn't it regal? Yes this is where the castles, and statues, and churches are hidden away. I'm sorry you only found it on your last day! But if it is any consolation, watching the sun set from the ramparts atop Buda is a must do. That and crossing one of my bridges after the sun has gone down, and I am gilded in gold, purple and silver. That is when and where I am at my most stunning, and I am pleased you didn't miss it.
Yours,
B
Dear Traveler,
3 nights, and 12 beds to yourself. Well done.
B
Dear Traveler,
As you leave, I am glad you saw me at my most vulnerable. The 20th century was hard for me. Fifty plus years under two separate tyrannical and genocidal regimes has its toll, and I am still trying to recover. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, no? And I am a living example of that cliche.
Thank you for meeting me, and sharing in my story. I will see you soon.
Yours forever,
Budapest
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